I’m learning about grace; that I don’t have to be perfect.  No, that I cannot be perfect in this body since sin dwells within me.  I am learning that it is okay.  God knows and he made me that way (though he didn’t make me to stay that way.)  I know holiness is important and I’m pressing on to make it my own but I realizing that in the midst of the struggle I gotta rest and remember that Christ is on the throne.  He has conquered sin and death – both my enemies he defeated.  He owned them both so I can catch a chance to breath.  Because in the end it’s not about me it’s about You: Holy God redeeming unholy men so that we can live again.  He is not looking for my perfection, he’s just happy when I try.  Though I fall he encourages me to stand back up and not cry.  There is a time for tears but falling isn’t always the occasion.  Falling is a part of growing and of challenging the normative equation.  I am sick of sitting on the benches just because I’m afraid of failure.  I want to get up and give my all and know that only giving up counts for absolute failure.  Trying leads to doing in the power of Christ.  Though I may weep over my sins I can still rejoice.  Jesus has redeemed me from my sins and compensated for my mistakes.  So I am just going to try.  Sometimes I’ll laugh at myself and sometimes I might weep but Jesus has got it covered whenever I fail or sin so I guess I’m just going get up and rock this thing ‘til it rolls.  Jesus is the savior not me. 

            Yet somehow as I consider what I must do fear rises within because I know it’s far beyond the kind of stuff humans are used to.  Its challenging and wild.  It’s dangerous and based solely on my faith that the God of heaven will give me courage, strength and grace.  The grace I know is already mine in Jesus name but I pray that God would pull me to take courage and find his strength.  If I do my part he does his it just takes the strength to take that one big step, open my mouth and trust that the victory is his.

Yet I’m still sitting here staring at the flashing bar.  Somehow this faith thing is so easy it’s hard.